Hey, everybody, I’m Andrea Sieminski, and this is the Hindsight’s 2020 podcast. Today, I’m chatting with my friend Tracey B Wilson about channeling her creative voice and energy into art to help people feel happy during this massive shared experience of a pandemic. Tracey, thank you for being on the show. I’m so excited to chat with you. Can you just do me a quick favor and just go ahead and introduce yourself?
Yes, my name is Tracey Wilson. I live in Astoria, Queens, in New York City with my husband Jim. On my business card it says “I do lots of fun and creative stuff!” I’m an actor and a filmmaker, a live event host, a photographer. I’m essentially a freelance creative.
I love it. I love it. I can’t wait to hear your story about what 2020 did to you. I have to tell you, though, so two things we have to let the audience know — we’re both originally from Orchard Park, New York, and grew up together and our siblings, we all went to school together. And so this is just really nice, like a homecoming of sorts to be talking to somebody who I grew up with.
So it really is. And use this when I tell you: I am so proud of this podcast, you’re amazing. Your guests are incredible. And please use that.
Thank you! Included! OK, do you remember at the beginning of the pandemic that there were these cruise ships that were having mass covid outbreaks and one of the ships got diverted over here to San Francisco and was in the bay and just docked here for a long time trying to figure out what to do with it. And am I dreaming this? Weren’t you like years ago, trapped on a cruise ship off the coast of L.A.?
Maybe we were off the coast of Mexico. Yeah, that’s correct. Yes.
I thought of you all the time. Like Tracey’s been through this.
Oh, my gosh, that’s so hilarious. Because I didn’t even — when I was thinking like, “Oh, what might we talk about on this podcast?” I think stranded on a cruise ship wasn’t at the top of my list, but it makes incredible sense. Yes. So prior to being married, my husband and I took this cruise and it was this — we had never — my big complaint was we’ve never taken a real vacation together. Right. And so a bunch of his friends and their family, there were like 14 of them going on this cruise together. And so they had a group discount or something. And so at the time, he was the strength coach for the San Diego Padres. And so we were in San Diego. We were leaving out of L.A. It was going to go down like the Mexican Riviera and the cruise ship caught on fire. And we were stranded out to sea and there was no electricity and there was no power and there was no air. And it was pretty wild. But you know what I would tell you, it actually, it is sort of thematically makes sense with this podcast and the things probably we’re going to talk about, because one of the things that actually bothered me about that, about the time that we spent on that cruise ship, so we were stranded out to sea for five days and tugboats had to come and pull us. And we were way off the coast of Mexico. There were aircraft carriers around us. So pirates didn’t pirate the ship. I mean, it was like a whole thing and there was no, we had no power. So I did not know that there was like a CNN scroll with a cruise ship straight. I didn’t know for five days. Everybody knew we were stranded out to sea. I thought nobody knew anything. I had no idea it was such big news ’til we were done. But there were all of these people complaining a lot. And I was like, “You are complaining that your vacation got ruined?” Now, here’s the thing. This was not a Covid ship. No one was sick. No one was hurt. We just did not have electricity. You know, there were no, there were no real quote unquote issues. It was like, to be honest, it was like being stuck at the airport. It was like that. There was nothing to do. But so many people, I was like, “Oh, my God, check your privilege. You are on an effing cruise ship that went bad.” You know, there are people who are working on this cruise ship who are carrying cargo and plates and things like up and down fourteen flights of stairs on this cruise ship because there’s no elevators. There were people working day and night to make sure that we could still eat because there was no food. They had to – I mean, it was just, it was remarkable to me, I guess, you know, to bring this together. It really was I think maybe the first time I understood the word “privilege” that was not like ya know in the vocab — no, this was fall of 2010. And so I don’t think that word “privilege” was like, really like in the vernacular, it wasn’t being used all the time at that point. But I was like, “Wow, you people like you’re complaining that no one’s making your bed in the morning! Really? Really?” Anyway, so, so…
But this cracks open and sort of lays the foundation for you to be able to like to deal, you know, with what is to come, you know with this life lesson.
Yeah. Lots of life lessons. And so, you know, ironically, what had happened is so, you know, I had a fancy camera with me, like, I had a good camera with a couple of lenses and I took some really great pictures. The helicopters bringing us pallets of food, right, and like some videos, and so when we got to port, we got into port to San Diego because that was like the first place in the US that they could bring the ship. So most people had to go back to L.A., but we were in San Diego and that’s where my boyfriend Jim, now my husband, was living at the time and I was visiting. And so we were already home. So I got on the computer and I uploaded my photos well within like 20 minutes, photos and videos that I had taken were all over like they were on ABC News and on Nightline and like they were all over. I was getting calls from a lot of media outlets and everybody wanted me to be on the, you know, on their shows to talk about being stranded at sea. And the thing was, I didn’t end up doing and we did one morning program in San Diego, but I didn’t do any. I declined all of them because they wanted me to complain and I wouldn’t do it. And…
Good for you!
Listen I’m an actor! You don’t think I want to be on TV? Like, sure I do. But there was nothing that I could complain about. I’m like “Do you know how hard people work to keep us safe, to keep us healthy and to bring us food?” When, you know, it was the cruise ship caught on fire, there was nothing – what am I going to complain about? What am I complaining about? That everybody did the very best they could? There was nothing I could complain about. And they’re like, “Oh, that’s not really the story we’re looking to tell.” And I’m like, “Well, then I’m totally good. You can use my pictures and you can whatever”, but yeah. Oh yeah.
Oh good for you for sticking to your guns.
Yes. Now a decade later I think thematically, I mean I know we’re going to talk about all the different things, but it is, you know, and I know this is what we’re talking about 2020. And we’ll talk about me being alone in a small New York apartment for five months and being afraid to go outside and all of these things. But also there was great privilege that I did not have to ride the subway. I did not have to go to my minimum wage job. Now, I lost it. Listen, I lost a ton of work and all my jobs. And I’m grateful that I have been able to receive unemployment. But I had a house, a small apartment to live in and I could eat and, ya know.
It certainly puts life into perspective, right?
Yes, I think perspective is always really important, and it’s not to deny what we’re going through, but to also – I say this all the time – Andrea, there’s something I learned in therapy which was critical. That is, “I’m allowed to feel two conflicting feelings at the same time. Both can be right and neither has to win.”.
I love that!
And this has carried me for a decade. Like, I can be terrified to go outside and also kind of grateful that I get to play and make videos inside this pandemic. And I can do both. It both can be right.
Or valid.
Hmmm mmmm. Both can be valid.
So let’s back up. Take me back. So was your husband in town or you were alone?
I was alone. So my husband is a strength and conditioning coach in sports, and he was working for the Pittsburgh Pirates last year. And so we always stay together in the off season in New York and then wherever he might be coaching for, he is there for the season. And then I travel back and forth along with my other jobs, etc.. And so he left for spring training in early February. I had a big gig. I MC and host this big corporate gig every year in the beginning of February. And so I was there in Nashville. And this is an international – it’s an engineering conference and it’s international. And there were a lot of people from Asia there and it was starting — you know, Italy was being problematic. Things were starting to get — there was hand sanitizer everywhere. I was like, “Oh, this is a, hmmmmm, there’s a…” I remember at the convention center, there was a woman whose job it was to stand at the end of the escalator with just like a spray bottle and a rag and just like always washing that handrail on the escalator as it went by. Just wash, wash, wash. And I was like, “Oh, is this? What’s happening here? Where are we goin’?”.
Something’s brewing.
Something’s brewing. And it’s ironic. So as a full time freelance creative, my 2020, I had a completely full calendar. It was totally booked. I was going to make the most money I’ve ever made in my life. It was like, plus rooms for more jobs, I mean it was just beautiful. I was like “Holy cow, I have arrived. This is going to be the best year ever!” Which I still could argue for me artistically might be the best year ever. And we’ll talk about it. So my husband was at spring training, so he’s in Florida at spring training. I came back from the gig in Nashville. I go out of town for a couple of weekends to do this thing called Cycle for Survival. And it is this amazing event. It’s for rare cancer research. And there are these indoor cycling classes at Equinox gyms. And I’ve been doing it for years. And so we did a couple of weekends and then the final weekend was the weekend before everything shut down. So March. What was it like March fifth, sixth, seventh, eighth? That weekend I had events in New York City. So MCing these big charity events in New York City. But they’re rare cancer events, so research for cancer. And so I know that, OK, this is a lot of compromised people like this is going to be…. So the first day was like, we’re not allowed to high five anybody. You’re not allowed to hug anybody. Nobody’s allowed to touch anybody. But then all the big corporate teams for the event we were starting to have, like no corporate — big companies weren’t allowed to do things. Big public events weren’t allowed to do them. So Thursday, all of a sudden, half the people weren’t there. And then Friday I got wind that it might be canceled. And I was like, “OK, well, again, I understand this community that we’re serving with this event. So it makes sense because we want to keep everybody safe.” And so the rest of the weekend got canceled.
So these events are really high energy and I make all these glittery signs. I wear a tutu, I have pompoms. It’s huge, loud, fun, exciting. And so I have all this like extra energy that I would usually have for these events all day. And so I decided to make a video because I thought, “Well, my job is to cheer for people. I’m going to do this anyway. I’ll make this video to cheer for people.” I did not know that what I set up in my little living room was going to stay up for five months! Because that week. So when this event is done, I have a two week break I planned to visit with my husband in spring training. But then that was the week that everything started shutting down and all of a sudden there was no NBA. And it’s like, “Is there going to be baseball? Like, what’s going to happen?” So we decided I shouldn’t fly because we didn’t know what was happening. And once the NBA shut down and things in New York were starting to get really scary, like we didn’t know what was happening yet. And so when I was in my late teens and early twenties, I was very sick for a long time and I was very sick with Lyme disease. And I know you understand illness. And so I was not interested in seeing what covid might do to me. And I was very cautious. And so we’re like, we don’t know what’s happening. I cannot get on a plane like this – no way. But we didn’t know that the next time that I would see my husband would be mid-July.
Wow.
So everything shut down. I’m alone in New York. In Queens. Now, I live not far — in the very beginning — remember, there was the hospital in Queens and they were showing like the morgue trucks and the freezer trucks in the back. And it was just so terrifying. That’s not that far from me. It’s not next door. But it’s within a couple of miles for me.
Right.
In the very beginning. I have to be honest, I was afraid to go outside like we did not understand anything in the beginning. And so I had gotten my groceries before we got the call to get groceries. I was like, “Hmmmm, I see what’s coming. I’m going to take care of myself now.” And so for the first three weeks, when I tell you I didn’t open my door, I’m not kidding. I think I once took the garbage out in the middle of the night because we just didn’t know we didn’t know anything.
And new information would come in every day like that was more terrifying and more terrifying. More terrifying. Like it’s airborne I mean, it was like a movie.
Yes. Well, because that’s the thing we didn’t really know. Like, this is way before, like six feet distance and masking. This is way before this is the beginning. So did “airborne” mean it’s just like outside my door, should I open my window, like, I have no idea. And I’m not a person that is generally an alarmist or anxiety ridden. But I was very, very on heightened alert. I was like, I am not messing around with this at all. And one of the things I say and I will say always and forever, I don’t care who eye rolls me for not opening the door. I don’t care who. I’ve been on the very cautious side of things. And I know there’s a scale that people live at, but I will never regret prioritizing my health in a global pandemic.
And I think that’s a big thing, like one of the reasons I want to do this and talk to people. Right. Because a huge lesson I had was not only do people need to respect my boundaries, but I need to respect theirs, because, like you said, it is a sliding scale. And I was a little Judgey McJudgey, you know, some people who are going out and livin’ life and who hadn’t really changed their ways. And so a big lesson for me was to meet those people where they were at and just be like “No, OK, we’re good. You and I don’t need to see each other,” but I also don’t need to judge you. So that was like something that therapy helped with.
Oh, I mean, listen, I won’t lie, OK? So my husband, when spring training got canceled, it was still not safe to come to New York. And so he has good friends that live in Atlanta. And it was decided he could go stay with them. Drive to Atlanta, stay with them, they have a guest house in the backyard and all the space, they’re good friends and it would be a good environment. He’s also like an Olympic weightlifter and he’s a strength and conditioning coach. He could have a set workout. For him, working out is his selfcare and for me, being creative as myself care. And we have a very strong relationship. We’re used to also being apart from each other and on the road and traveling. And we made a decision. We didn’t know that it was going to be five months, but we made the decision that we needed to be in the place that was right for our own self care. And in the beginning of this, especially when it was still winter time for him to come to New York and just be holed up in a small apartment would have just been bad. It would have been not good for his mental health. It wouldn’t have. And so it was like, “Well, we need to love each other enough to not be with each other, because that’s what we need to do.”
But talking about the Judgey McJudgerson part, there was a time and I’m not speaking out of school because they were there. They all know what happened. Where it’s early on. It’s just a shit show in New York. Things are a hot mess. I’m not going outside. It’s terrifying. And they Facetime me to say “Hi.” And they’re like having a party and they have like a whole bunch of people at their house on Facetime and they’re like “Hey Tracey! Guess what? All the friends are here!” And there’s people that I know because we go there for Thanksgiving. And I literally was — I can swear on this, right? I literally was like, “What the fuck are you doing!?” And I started screaming at them and I had been like, so good for so long and so positive. And I just lost my mind. I was like, “I am here alone. I’m afraid to go outside and you guys are just having a party?!” Like what is happening?
It’s amazing to me how differently different parts of this country experienced the pandemic.
Well, yes. And you know, what’s interesting is and I do again, try not to judge because it is different when you are living in a place where you hear sirens 24/7 and your entire Facebook feed is your friends in New York that are sick or dying. Right. And that is different from people who live in other parts of the country, who don’t know anybody who don’t see anybody. Life is normal. It’s hard to then say, “Oh, I should respect the pandemic. That seems like it’s not here,” even though, scientifically speaking, it’s probably comin’ You know, it’s harder to acknowledge something that you can’t see doesn’t affect anybody. And I have to acknowledge that in people. And that everybody, we’re all making the best choices we can make with the information that we have for our lives. And I have to respect that, you know, and like you said, I don’t have to engage in it. You know, at one point they were like, “Hey, you should come to Atlanta.” I was like, “NO.” I felt really bad because they’re people that I love. I think they’re great people. They’re great friends, they’re my husband’s friends from college and I love them. But it wasn’t the right choice for me because I would have felt afraid and uncomfortable the whole time. And I also knew that I went into this, I don’t know, like creative space. That was really, really liberating for me and I think important for me artistically, that being creative is my selfcare. And if I didn’t know it before, I knew it in this pandemic!
Yes, let’s talk about it because.
Sure.
So you created the “Characters of the Quarantine” series.
Yeah!
I watched along. You know, I loved it. And this does come full circle to where we started the conversation, which is that you look on the bright side and you look at the things to be grateful for or positive about or bringing people together and cheerleading. And that’s your work. And you brought it to the quarantine. And you certainly put a smile on my face and made me laugh and like you did what you set out to do. And I would love for you to talk about that series.
Sure. Well, what’s interesting is I actually named it retrospectively. So I just made a bunch of videos and then I put them under a banner later for them to sort of count as the series. But I didn’t know that I was going to make a series of videos. I knew I was going to make one, and then I made another one. And then I had ideas and then I had more ideas. And here’s some things that I know from other videos I’ve made in the past. I’ve made some infertility coming out party videos. I’ve made some other videos in the past that people have been very engaged with, similar to you and your blog. And there is an awareness that we both have, which I think is why you’re doing this podcast, which is amazing. That using our energy and our art and our creativity is important and that it is not just like, “Oh, I want to make this podcast” that you are being of service. So I lived in New York at 9/11 and I’d lived here a couple of years and early in my career as an actor, and when that happened, it was another time where this was a sort of community experience where we were all sharing something. Differently, but all the same thing, we were all aware of the same event that had happened. And I felt helpless as a human being and I felt useless as a human being. And it was so difficult to live in New York City and feel like I had no ability to help and that I had no skill set to help and that I was paralyzed with just “I don’t know what to do and I am useless.” And then one night I was watching the news and much later into it, a fireman told the story about how he just wanted to go home and watch a movie with his son. And I remember thinking, “Oh, I get it. I get it. Like that’s what I’m supposed to do.”
Help with the escapism.
And let me help you escape or cry or process the same thing that you’re doing with this podcast. It’s like let us process. Let us use our art creativity to help other people process. And so this weird thing happened with this pandemic. Now, 20 years ago, I didn’t have a cell phone I could make videos on and I probably did have the skill set at that time. But now I was much more aware as I started doing them that people were engaging with them, looking forward to them. And it’s interesting, I tried to balance very hard, like doing stuff for other people and also doing it in a way that felt authentic to myself, to my own process and like, “What do I want to say?” And don’t make something just to make something, make it only if I have something to say. Make only something that feels right. Like I made this I made this video for baseball opening day when there wasn’t opening day. It was a short video and it got a little traction and it was about staying home and I have like a home plate and the whole thing. And then I thought, “Oh, I should make one for basketball.” And then I was like, “No, I shouldn’t. I don’t even watch basketball.” Like that would have been inauthentic. Right. But baseball was part of my world and my life. I wasn’t making videos to, like, trying to build my audience or.
Exactly.
It was more like “Who are the people that are watching them and how can I serve them?” How can I serve my friends and my family who are teachers and moms struggling to do both? And how can I how can I help this group of people that might be small, but they are so engaged with what I’m doing and that I want to continue to serve them because I know that they are engaged with what I’m doing and then it matters and that feel very purposeful, really purposeful to say like, “Oh, I get it. I know what I can do here.” And also in a way. So there’s a couple of things. Number one, I had a little bit of – I wouldn’t want to say like “creator’s guilt” because I know so many people could not. Right? It was not in their wheelhouse. It was not in their makeup to say, like, “OK, I’m going to just get up and make something. It’s like I can’t get out of bed. This is too hard. And I don’t know how to process this.” And I fully, fully respect that. Because the thing is, for me, like, first of all, being a freelance creative and knowing how to make a schedule for yourself and those are learned skills like knowing how to see the bright side, knowing how to figure out, like how can I have gratitude and also be terrified. Those are learned skills. Those are learned behaviors. And so, you know, twenty years of doing this and now in a global pandemic, there was something so weird. But there’s like a skill set that I have for this time.
So you’re so prepared for this.
Right. And so it doesn’t mean I’m not terrified. It doesn’t mean I don’t have huge meltdowns and cry and freak out. But it also means, like, I know what to do on the other side of that.
Yeah. I will say kind of going back to what you were saying earlier, I believe that staying true to yourself and doing this because you want to and it brings you joy and it is your self care, you can never go wrong because you will never lose your North Star if you’re doing it for you. And then you have, however big this group is, they care about it because it’s authentically you, you know? That’s why they’re engaged with it. And so the fact that you were able to sort of iterate and weed out the stuff, you were like, “Hold on, hold on. That’s not, that’s not why I’m doing this. I’m not going to do basketball.” You know what I mean? And that’s what keeps people connected to you, is because you have that deep sense of self. And we’re all coming to listen to your voice.
Oh, gosh. Thank you. Well, I think it took a really long time to understand that it mattered, I guess? Like I said, that I do have purpose and I think also listen, when you get older then you understand that your experiences, no matter what they are, can help a younger generation and that when it’s your turn to start using your skill set to give back and be aware of what your skill set is and how can you… There’s a thing that happened to my career, I would say, without getting into too much. It was coming out of – we don’t have children. It was coming out of infertility. Where my career changed and I articulated it differently to understand being of service with my energy, my art, instead of just doing it. Not that I was just doing it randomly before, but it just comes from a different place in me now and in a different place of connection now that like, listen, every creative would love one of their videos to hit people to discover what you do. And all of those things would be great. But every time I make one, I always say “Let this resonate with the right people. Let the right people see this.” And if I get one comment from one person that says “This is exactly what I needed right now” then I’m done. Great. Awesome. That makes me so happy. It makes me so happy that I can work my way through this pandemic wearing wigs and being in costumes and creating silly characters and possibly let that help somebody else.
It definitely did help. Not possibly. It definitely did help other people, I promise you. But, you know, as we’re recording this — this will air probably in like four to six weeks — we are recording this — I believe it’sFertility Awareness Week.
It is. It’s National Infertility Awareness Week. Yes.
Yes. And I’m a former infertile and I know that I remember when you went public with your story. And, you know, as much as this doesn’t tie directly to 2020, we all walked into 2020 having the life experiences that we have had leading up to it. And that informs who we are and how we processed and all of that. So if you’re willing, I would love for you to share some of that story.
Sure. Well, to tie them together. Let me say that like what I think was important for me also in the pandemic is understanding that for a good deal this time was by myself and that a lot of people were not a lot of people were trying to figure out how do I homeschool and have my job and have my partner or how, you know, there were so many people really struggling with these changes. And in a way, I don’t want to say that being child free in a pandemic is a privilege, but I did in a good way and in a bad way, I had nobody depending on me. Part of that was difficult because it would have been – there’s something about having to show up for somebody that gets you out of bed. I know some of my friends that are single that live by themselves. It has been a struggle, right? To not to not have to…Nobody is relying on you for anything. They’ve lost jobs. They are living alone. It’s difficult. So we’ve been trying to keep a strong community of people. But my infertility what’s interesting is that I try right now and I found this amazing group of women. Not every single infertility story ends with a child, whether that is through IVF or through surrogacy or adoption or whatever that may be, for whatever reason, financial, spiritual, emotional. Not everybody ends up with kids and it is a struggle. Sometimes it is hard because I still wish I had them. But it is again, how do I use this energy that I have in this nurturing energy that I have to be of service to other people? And I think that has also become big in the pandemic, right, that I am trying to cheer for you. It’s like I have all of this energy. Please let me use it, because I am used to listening, I MC these huge kids events, right? I was supposed to do this, these family events for Team USA for the Olympics. I was supposed to go to ten cities before the Olympics to do these big family fan festivals. And so suddenly I’m in this pandemic with all of this energy, all of the excitement and where do I put it? And it’s the same way..
Right, you’ve gotta fill your cup somehow.
Got to fill your cup. But I guess to tie it back to infertility, what’s funny is it took me when I was in the real dark of it and understanding that was just not a medical possibility for me. I wasn’t open about it while it was happening. I posted a video that I made about it. I would say almost two years out of the dark, dark of it. Right. And I don’t think I would have been able – I didn’t have the words I wasn’t able to process prior to that. And I think what I realized is (that I guess has come back to the pandemic) is I didn’t make a lot of these videos between the infertility coming out party. I made this one called “What It Means to Aunt Honey” the next year. But for a few years I haven’t made those types of videos that I have been putting out. But I realize that it is something I really enjoy to do, whether it’s processing infertility or processing pandemic, that people do respond to art that is put out that is as authentic as possible. And people actually need it.
And it’s funny, you know, there’s there’s this meme that goes around that’s kind of one of my favorites, that says something like “When you say that acting isn’t a real job, remember all those shows you binge during the pandemic” because it’s what did people do during the pandemic? Binge Netflix. Watch concerts. The artist showed up. And I think using our art is really crucial. And that’s one of the things that I continue to learn in the pandemic. And if I have to be honest, I have to say this time has been really transformational for me to understand and see more clearly that “Yes, yes. Tracey, this is what you’re supposed to be doing – create your own words, create your own art.” It’s great to be cast in someone else’s thing. It’s great to be hosting other people’s things. But what about what I want to say? What about the words that I need to say? And I’ve come to understand that that needs to be coming out of this pandemic. The scale needs to tip in my career to more of my own voice with my own words.
You found your own voice.
Yeah, which is weird.
Not weird. It’s the silver lining of
A huge silver lining.
being alone for five months and figuring out what to do that felt safe for you.
Yeah, and I say it is alone in a pandemic that I learned that I had everything, I have everything. I didn’t have money from jobs, but I had my work, you know, and so I’ve not been busy with jobs, but I’ve been busy with my own work and my own art and I’m working on a bigger, longer pay off. I’m not worried about whether this video needs to make this money or this many people need to see that. It’s not about that. It’s about continuing to create my voice and discover who I am and what I want to say, even at this age in my life. You have another guest on who talked about being a late bloomer. And I would like to say that hopefully with a continual bloomer.
Right! Ever-evolving bloomer?!
Yes, there is. You know, there’s this expression, when a snake sheds its skin because it outgrows it and that it has to shed and then it gets really raw before the skin grows back again. Right. And this happens over and over in our lives. And I think that’s what’s happening for me now – I feel like a lot of shedding, but a lot of vulnerability and rawness as you come into like what the next evolution of yourself is, which I think is terrifying and exciting.
I mean, there’s your two opposite things that are both valid. I just watched your video. What train is it? The one ON the train.
Oh, “The N train”?
Yes! “The N Train” was SO good. I’m going to link it to this.
Oh, my gosh, thank you.
It was because you took us through the pandemic. You did a lot of, you know, like the Wheel of Fortune video you did where it was the teacher who belly laughs about parents trying to do distance learning.
Right, right! They’re just doing their best!
I mean, just being able to have fun and poke fun at the very real craziness that’s going on. But this N Train video that you recently put out is just so good because it’s turning the corner. We are going to come out of this. And I do. I’ve spoken to some guests on the East Coast who in the New York City area, we’re like, “Yeah, things are pretty much open again. I’ve been going back into the office.” I was like, “Was that scary for you as things are reopening and going back outside? And what was that like?” And just, you know, we’re turning the corner. We have to put one foot in front of the other. So I just love that video.
Thank you.
Yeah. You said you were terrified for five months or however long you really stayed inside.
I would say the first three weeks, I was absolutely terrified. And then I got into this rhythm of being by myself and I would, it was funny, I would sit in the back window where the sunrise would come up. I can, like, open these windows and kind of sit in the window. So I would sit in the back window in the morning and I would do these Gratitudes and I would talk to like – I got very – this is – I got very into in the pandemic talking to people in my life who have passed on, who have who have passed away and whether from my childhood or recently, I got really into just like feeling people’s presence around me. It was very spiritual and it was kind of amazing. But so I would sit in the back window and I do these gratitudes, I sort of talk to different people spiritually and then I would brainstorm. So I’d start the day in the back window and then I would finish the night at 7pm sitting in my front window, cheering out the window. Which was really grounding and centering and felt like a good sense of community to be all cheering up the window together at 7pm, which we did for a long time. That was really important. That structure of my day was really important. But I, to be honest, went out to dinner with my husband last night for the very first time. The first time I’ve been out to dinner.
Congratulations!
Yeah. So I’m fully vaccinated now. So we went out to dinner. I mean, we sat outside in a very open air — in New York they’re like on the street, the sidewalk’s a cafe kind of now. And so we sat on the street. But it was the first time that I have been out to dinner. It was amazing. It felt sort of normal. One of the things I know that you ask a lot about is the “roses and the thorns” which I love. But one of the roses is — so I should say, just make it make sense, sort of in the schedule – is that my husband was in Pittsburgh for the summer. I joined him in August. and September and then basically was quarantined in Pittsburgh because he was on a very tight quarantine schedule with sports, so he wasn’t allowed to do anything. So I wasn’t allowed to do anything and we just stayed very quarantined. And then we’ve been together in New York in the fall. But, he has been very respectful of my boundaries with not doing things (with my health issues) until we’ve been vaccinated. But we have this thing that we call the “Corner Cafe”, and it’s just my favorite thing in the whole world. We live in a small apartment. We don’t even have a kitchen table, but we have a countertop that’s got two corner seats on the corners. And so we make brunch together and then we make our food and we sit, we eat at the Corner Cafe. We joke about it, like “Do we have reservations tonight? Do we need to get reservations for the Corner Cafe?!”
“Do you think we’ll be able to get two seats together? It’s so crowded!”
We totally do! It’s so funny. Like for our anniversary, we’ve got all decorated up for the Corner Cafe and I made the menu, the whole thing that everybody does. But everything is about this Corner Cafe and it’s been sort of hilarious.
Oh! I love that!
It’s been super sweet. And to be honest, a big win is that my husband and I don’t always spend that much time together. In a normal year. We spend different amounts of time because during the off season, he’s fully off. So we have different schedules and maybe a traditional office type job, but he is now looking for a new job. So both of us have been home full time, looking for jobs, doing our work kind of in our hustle. But it’s been — it’s had its challenges. But it’s also been wonderful because we have this kind of schedule where we like to have brunch at the Corner Cafe and we play a round of cards and we go about our day like after we start our day with coffee, do a bunch of stuff. Then we take a brunch break, play cards, and go back to our work.
The sweetest. I love it.
It’s kind of sweet. I mean, honestly, it’s been kind of sweet. And we make this joke. We always say, “Remember that time during the pandemic when we played five crowns all the time? Oh, wait right. That’s right now!”
[Laughs] You’re reminiscing real time.
We’re reminiscing real time because we just have to joke our way through this a lot of time. It’s not really you know, pandemics are hard, but I really, really enjoy using comedy to say important things and express my feelings, even if it’s like wearing weird wigs, like it has been really fun. And also there is a part of me that because I do right now collect unemployment, which I am extremely grateful for, that I feel like I’m actually doing my job and I feel like I’m getting paid to make PSAs that like I’m getting paid to use my art to be of service to the world at this time. And it makes me feel good.
It makes us feel good too. Tracey you are honestly, you are doing such a great job and you really are in service to your community and to everybody out there just trying to get by.
Thanks for tuning in to Hindsight’s 2020. I hope you leave feeling more connected and able to see your own silver linings if you enjoyed this episode. Please take a few minutes to subscribe rate and review the podcast on iTunes. Special thanks to my sound engineer John Keur of Wayfare Recording. We can’t do any of this without your support. Follow us on Instagram at @hindsights2020podcast and join the conversation at Hindsight’s2020podcast on Facebook.
ABOUT TRACEY B WILSON:
Originally from Orchard Park, NY – Tracey has worked in New York, Los Angeles, and many places in between, acting in everything from dramatic theatre and soap operas to quirky independent films and sketch comedy. Tracey has been an actor/writer/director for award-winning short films, and toured North America four times with Lady Gaga as a performance art photographer. She then went on to publish the book HEAL THIS WAY – A LOVE STORY with Lady Gaga’s Little Monsters, in support of LGBTQ & bullied teens. She plays the titular role in the newly released feature TREW CALLING and stars in the spin-off series due out this summer. Tracey is a sought-after live event host, specializing in family entertainment at major sporting events, and high-energy charity events all over the country. After the success of her video “What it Means to Aunt Honey” Tracey became a sought-after voice in the infertility community. During the pandemic, she created the solo series “Characters of the Quarantine” using her energy to cheer for others. Tracey is currently working on her first documentary feature, BREEDING AWESOME.
Further Episode Notes:
